Self Affirmations, Day 20

In Being Kind to Yourself I mentioned the practice of affirmations. A self-affirmation is a statement that one reviews with the hope that focusing on this positive thought will increase the self's capacity to internalize and realize what is being said. Affirmations are often used to replace negative thoughts. For instance, if one finds herself berating her intellectual ability because of a mistake she has made, she can turn to a previously constructed affirmation statements such as "Mistakes do not define me. I am a smart person because I learn from my mistakes."

For the sceptics out there... I totally understand your hesitation to believe that self-affirmations work. If you remember the Stuart Smalley skits on Saturday Night Live, you may chuckle as you envision yourself looking in the mirror and telling yourself how good looking you are. Doggone it, I admit that does seem a bit hokey. However, to create affirmations that are meaningful and effective, I have learned that it is important to keep three things in mind:

1) Focus on what you do want, not what you don't want. Say "I am healthy and strong" instead of "I am not fat." Say "I choose nutritious foods and eat moderately, not and nu"I will never pig out on ice cream again." Make statements that reinforce the positive rather than dwell on the negative.

2) Create affirmations that reflect your values and beliefs. You are not trying to convince yourself to accept a concept with which you absolutely do not agree. You are simply directing your focus to a positive perspective. Let's say you think your feet are ugly. Repeating to yourself "my feet are beautiful" is only going to remind you that you actually dislike the way your feet look. Because you are too smart to fool yourself, you will feel a bit ridiculous trying to do so. You will automatically discredit the statement and likely feel even worse about yourself. An article in Psychology Today by Ray B. Williams reports that researchers argue that "when positive self-statements strongly conflict with self-perception... there is not mere resistance but a reinforcing of self-perception."

So, what if you repeated to yourself words that you actually believed in? You would be able to successfully shift your thinking from a negative place to a positive one. I suggest something like "I am thankful for my feet because they allow me to walk. God gave me feet that are just right for me. I think kindly of my feet because they deserve it for all the hard work they do." While in the face of criticism and negativity, you may have a hard time comprehending and accepting an affirmation, it is more possible to internalize when it reflects your personal values and beliefs.

3) Practice self affirmations because it is somthing that you choose to do. If you are simply going through the motions of saying "Money is plentiful, and I am rich," because you feel pressured into it by a well-meaning friend, there is a good chance that you will feel defensive about it and it the words won't ring true to you (see #2 again.) In fact, this type of approach will likely backfire. Graduate student in social psychology, Arielle Silverman, explains that if one is coerced into saying an affirmation, the benefits are negated. Exercise your freedom of choice and affirm something YOU believe in because YOU want to make it a stronger belief in your life.

Invitation: Be mindful of negative thoughts that creep into your day. Write 3 or more meaningful affirmations that will help you negate those thoughts by focusing on what is positive and true.

I will be back soon to share some of mine.

Continue to Day 21, I am...

For the introduction and list of daily topics for my project, 31 Days of Positive Thinking, go here.