Why is it that when we get one area of the house in tip top shape, the rest of it suffers immensely? For me, it seems that the stars will align about once a month and visitors can be welcome to more than one small confined area. This is the best day for visiting teachers to come, but the chances that it will fall on the 30th are pretty slim. I wish I could predict what day of the month I should be sociable and schedule all repairs, but I know nothing about astronomy, don't have time to read my horrorscope, and the local palm reader charges a minimum of $5.
If you happen to drop by on a day other than the one where everything comes together and looks half-way decent, please be aware of what to expect:
On Monday you are welcome to sit on my freshly mopped floors and let your baby wander without worrying about any choking hazards.
On Tuesday I will blindfold you and let you stagger through the living room full of toys, dvd's and vhs tapes and the dining room/ kitchen full of groceries to be put away. You will likely be seated in the piano room where there will be plenty of room to sit on the couch, but our conversation may be a bit strained as we try to talk over the washer and dryer working at maximum proficiency nearby.
On Wednesday you can stand in my kitchen. (It is very small or I would invite you to sit.) You can give your arms a rest and set your toddler on the counter without worrying about not being able to get him back because of the super bonding grape jelly that would be smeared all over on any other day of the week. All sharp knives will be out of reach and secured in the churning dishwasher.
On Thursday you may go upstairs and take a quick peek into my bedroom, but please be careful as you go not to trip on any of the miscellaneous items stacked in piles of ownership on the stairs or the toys and dirty clothes that are creeping out of my children's rooms into the hall.
On Friday you are welcome to use any of my bathrooms. For those who enjoy the scent of Lysol, you may want to bring reading material and linger longer. However, if you come by before 3 pm, don't expect to be offered a drink or anything because all cups and dishes have been in the sink since Wednesday night.
On Saturday I will let you wonder wherever you want, but upon entering the house I will give you my best look of exasperation and fatigue and explain that because the kids are out of school I just haven't been able to keep up with anything other than breakfast, snack 1, snack 2, lunch, snack 3, snack 4, dinner, snack 5 and snack 6.
I don't recommend coming by on Sunday because I will likely be in the middle of a coma... I mean very long nap while all areas of the house suffer pitiful neglect and build momentum to stare me in the face Monday morning when I will dutifully get out my mop and start all over again.
PS- If for some unfortunate reason you ever need to ride in my van, just prepare yourself for the absolute worst you can imagine, and you will only be mildly appalled.
6 comments:
my favorite line is about the linger longer. will there be socializing and casseroles? apparently the kitchen will be out of commission by then, so should we bring our own utensils and all convene in the bathroom?
if it's any reassurance, it DOES get easier once the kids get bigger. at least for me it did. this could've been my post about 4 years ago. but once they're a little older, you become a little less sleep-deprived, a little less exhausted, and a little more organized. it's part of the miraculous circle of life.
clair- I cant stop laughing. You are so great at expressing your life. So funny.
Didn't President Monson say something about piles of laundry and missing it? Yeah, he is such a MAN!!! Hang in there sister, in only 17.8 years all you will have to worry about is empty nest syndrome. (adjustments may be neccessary upon the arrival of other children)
Amen! I think you've just explained my life, too. I really hope it does get better, I'd like to think I have the potential to have a spotless house where anyone can drop by unannounced and I won't be completely mortified or (worse yet) just not answer the door and feel guilty about it the rest of my life.
Great post! I love a home that's "lived in"...
Clair,
I read this post awhile ago but just wanted to tell you that I loved it and it totally cracked me up. Well blogged, my friend.
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