Sisterhood and Forgiveness

On Thursday I attended a wonderful gathering of women. Our branch, together with 2 other wards in our stake, celebrated the birthday of the Relief Society. I helped plan the event with the two activity counselors from the other wards. (For anyone not fluent in Mormon, all this means is that a bunch of ladies got together!) Our theme was "A Circle of Sisters" and we focused on the unity we feel among a diverse group of womem from different places and cultures. Everyone brought a dish that represented something from their heritage- for me it was Lemon Jello Cake. Ha! Tables were decorated by theme of a particular country. There was soo much food to try and we talked and talked (and ate and ate.) Then we had a very touching program of words and music. The talents shared were awesome and the testimonies that shined were bright.

Because I was still in recovery mode from surgery (and yes, I'm still hoping to post about that soon,) I wasn't as frazzled as I would have been being 1/3rd in charge of this party. I guess I gave myself a pass to sit and enjoy since I couldn't do a lot of the physical set up/ clean up and bustling around. For all of that I must thank others for picking up my slack.

So... I'm sitting there looking around at the beautiful women that have gathered together-- strong in faith and love. I felt like hugging strangers and just saying "you are wonderful because you are you!" (I refrained.) I know that sounds cheesy and over the top, but it was just a great place to be and I really felt the sisterhood. We were all daughters of God striving to do the best we could. Womanhood and the gospel are both strong glues!

During the program I just had some sweet assurances come to my mind and heart. (For example, see song below.) One was that I am okay the way I am. The Lord (and everyone else that truly matters) loves me as is! We all have regrets, weaknesses, things we have failed at. But our worth is no less for it. Now, the hard part comes in loving myself as is! While there are many changes that I need to make, I have been thinking so much about how I really need to love myself right now (not wait until after those changes are made!) I believe that not accepting myself is actually keeping me from feeling worth making those changes, if that makes sense. I'm on a quest to feel my worth and most of all FORGIVE myself for choices I have made that have not been for my benefit. What am I talking about?! I am talking about forgiving myself for years of not caring for my body the way I should have. Years of putting nutrition and exercise on the far back burner. Realizing the results of that neglect-- being uncomfortably overweight and having a couple of related health issues-- makes me sad and mad at myself. I guess recognizing it is a step towards healing and I look forward to better days. I want to replace the cloud of guilt and shame with rays of hope and forgiveness. I'm not exactly sure HOW to do this but I know the Lord knows how, and I am asking for His help.

Heartfelt thanks to those who love me as is! You keep me going and give me hope!

He Sees in Me
by Christy Riches Hinkson

Jesus met a woman from Samaria.
He taught of living water and told her who He was.
She felt as if He knew her, there at Jacob's well.
She left behind her waterpot, and hurried home to tell.

Come see The One, who sees beyond, the place where I am from.
Who knows all things I ever did, He, The Christ, is come!
The knower of no prejudice. The keeper of no guile.
He sees in me what He would see in His Father's child.

Jesus and a pharisee named Simon sat at meat.
A woman came with ointment and began to wash his feet.
Some thought that He should know her and all her many sins.
And knowing all, he taught of love and welcomed her in.

She saw The One who saw beyond all the wrong she'd done.
When all the rest would have her leave, He had bid her come.
The knower of no prejudice. The keeper of no guile.
He saw all others as Himself and as His Father's child.

If Jesus were here today, I'm sure without a doubt
That He would place His arms around the ones that we cast out.
And He who sees the hearts of all would look them in the eye.
And they would go rejoicing and they could testify.

I've seen The One, who sees beyond, the place where I am from.
Who knows all things I ever did, and still would bid me come!
The knower of no prejudice. The keeper of no guile.
He sees in me what He would see in His Father's child.